Save the Lobsters!
by MovieBuffStarlet
Summary: The gang break into a local Red Lobster in the middle of the night on a rescue mission...


_A/N: Don't try this at home ,kids... ;)_

"I don't think we should be doing this..." Mark craned his neck nervously, his eyes straining in the dark. "What if they-?"

"Oh, for the love of God, Mark!" Maureen rolled her eyes, exasperated. "Will you _shut up_ already?"

The filmmaker shot her a look but didn't respond.

"Seriously.." she went on "Ever since we left the apartment you've done nothing but bitch and moan. You're gonna get us _caught_! Why did you decide to come, anyway?"

"Because…because…" the nerd stammered, blushing. "Because I have nothing better to do, okay? There…are you happy?" he stalked off to the nearest table and slid into the booth, fuming.

Maureen cocked her head to the side and gave her ex boyfriend a small grin. "Well, at least you're honest."

Meanwhile the rest of the gang, lead by a very high Collins, approached the tank. Mimi pushed her mop of brown curls back and peered inside with a fascinated smile. Her whole face lit up.

"Oh! Look Roger! Aren't they cute?? And they're green! I never expected them to be green!" The dancer squealed in excitement, she slipped her hand into the cold water and lightly stroked the back of a lobster with her fingertips.

The rocker arched an eyebrow. "Uh, actually…they look like giant bugs to me. And I don't think you should be petting them…these aren't kittens, you know."

Collins regarded Roger as if he had just uttered a piece of blasphemy. "Don't say that, Rog! You'll hurt their feelings…"

To Roger's horror, the philosopher was being dead serious.

"I've been reading up a lot on lobsters prior to this rescue mission," Collins continued in a serious tone. "And did you know that they _scream_ when you cook them??"

"Woah! No way?!" Maureen joined them now ,her dark eyes alive with a morbid curiousity.

"Yes. Which is why we must save them from their horrible fate."

Angel gave Collins a soft kiss on the lips. "Awww! Baby, you're so sensitive! Defending those cute lil' lobsters! I love you so much!"

Collins blushed and retuned the kiss. "I love you more!" he crooned in that deep, bass voice of his.

Angel kissed him again. "I love you the mostest!"

So, with their arms wrapped around each other, Angel and Collins stumbled over to a dark corner for a heavy duty make out session. This left Joanne, Mimi, Roger, Benny, Mark, and Maureen holding the bag.

"So, uh…who wants to-?" Joanne looked at her friends, pointing at the tank.

"Oooooh! Me!" Maureen marched forward and plunged her hand down into the tank. She gripped onto a lobster…

"EEEEEOOOOOOWW!!!" She howled in pain. The lobster's pincher had clamped down onto her index finger. Hard. She whired around, violently waving her arm as if she was doing some sort of demented tribal dance. "OW! OW! OW! OW! _OW_!" Finally, the poor thing was sent flying into a corner of the room with a sickening _splat_.

"_Maureen! How could you_?!" Collins and Angel had suddenly emerged from the darkness. Collins made a mad dash towards the stunned but otherwise unharmed lobster.

The philosopher picked up the creature gingerly, actually near tears. "We are trying to _save_ them,Maureen. Not kill them!"

The diva gave Collins an incredulous look. "The little fucker bit me, Collins!" she cried, waving her finger in Collins' face. "This isn't Free Willy! It can die for all I care! Slimy little bastard…"

Collins' lower lip trembled.

"Sweetie…I have some asprin in my purse in case you want any." Angel shot Maureen a sympathetic look

"No. No thanks. I'll be fine." Maureen sighed. Joanne and Angel consoled their respective lovers while everyone else stood around in an awkward silence.

"Wow," Benny commented ,looking at Maureen's swollen finger. "You sure are gonna feel that tomorrow…"

"It's okay, Mo." Mimi began stroking her arm.

The performance artist gave the dancer a grim look. "Don't pet me, Mimi. Do I look like a lobster to you?" The Latina backed away slightly.

Suddenly there was a loud crash toward the front of the restaurant. Everyone jumped to attention and clumped together, terrified. Roger's hands shot up into the air instinctively (don't ask).

"It's the police!" Mark wailed, clinging onto Joanne's arm. "I knew they'd find us!!"

Everybody froze, not even breathing. Eyes wide and focused . Then they heard Collins' distinct, joyful laughter rumbling up from the darkness and he emerged along with Angel. Both had grins on their faces. Angel lightly swatted her boyfriend on the arm.

"That wasn't very nice, honey!"

Collins shook his head, still grinning like a fool. "I'm sorry, you guys. I couldn't resist!"

"I think I shit myself!" Benny exclaimed to Collins, letting his breath out in a sigh of relief.

"No. You always smell that way." Maureen grinned.

Silence…

"Hey…" Benny began to protest.

"Collins?" Mark asked, his heart still pounding. He was trembling all over.

"Yes?"

"I hate you."

THE END


End file.
